So..

Heres another post again. I know i know, yesterday i had an episode of rage, today is one of stress. Sometimes I dont understand why I still update my blog.. i mean, the blog craze is already over, and that being said, me having a blog is like.. me being outdated. Idk. Im never really up to date anyway .

So Im starting poly (real lessons) soon right? To be honest i really dont know what to expect. That being said, Im scared. IM REALLY SCARED. Because I cannot slack off like how I did and concentrate on floorball. I cannot afford to do this AT ALL. I need to work hard from the start to the beginning and I dont foresee that as a very easy journey at all. To be honest, after seeing all the seniors worrying over project deadlines and all, I do get afraid. What if I cant? What if i cant finish those projects on time? I would get a bad grade and.. it would pull down my results drastically. You know, sometimes I wish i could be as strong as Kerry, all pretty and clever and just someone I cannot be no matter how much I try. I'm jealous of her steadfastness, how she handles situations well while I just have a tendency of worrying my mind off mindless things that maybe one day, I may go crazy. I dont know, maybe if that happens, it might be for the best? For me that is. 3.8 GPA... ugh how would i even manage to get that high score? I hope it would all work out for me somehow. Im sure it would.

Ya know, Im really tempted to just close the blog and not talk about how my life suck atm, how my life rocks at the other moment and stuff. Its like letting someone in, into the intimate depths of my soul, my brain. How much of a coward I actually am and how much of a failure I am. Anger management, unattractive, fat, ugly. And all that stuff. But then again this is also my release. So yah its good for me too, to not keep my feelings in too much. I have a tendency of doing that, and that is not good... Im happy, but im sad too. Im neutral, but im angry too. So many conflicting feelings... One moment im really happy another moment im really irritable.

Is my period coming? ;w; Why am I so emotional these days