So..

Heres another post again. I know i know, yesterday i had an episode of rage, today is one of stress. Sometimes I dont understand why I still update my blog.. i mean, the blog craze is already over, and that being said, me having a blog is like.. me being outdated. Idk. Im never really up to date anyway .

So Im starting poly (real lessons) soon right? To be honest i really dont know what to expect. That being said, Im scared. IM REALLY SCARED. Because I cannot slack off like how I did and concentrate on floorball. I cannot afford to do this AT ALL. I need to work hard from the start to the beginning and I dont foresee that as a very easy journey at all. To be honest, after seeing all the seniors worrying over project deadlines and all, I do get afraid. What if I cant? What if i cant finish those projects on time? I would get a bad grade and.. it would pull down my results drastically. You know, sometimes I wish i could be as strong as Kerry, all pretty and clever and just someone I cannot be no matter how much I try. I'm jealous of her steadfastness, how she handles situations well while I just have a tendency of worrying my mind off mindless things that maybe one day, I may go crazy. I dont know, maybe if that happens, it might be for the best? For me that is. 3.8 GPA... ugh how would i even manage to get that high score? I hope it would all work out for me somehow. Im sure it would.

Ya know, Im really tempted to just close the blog and not talk about how my life suck atm, how my life rocks at the other moment and stuff. Its like letting someone in, into the intimate depths of my soul, my brain. How much of a coward I actually am and how much of a failure I am. Anger management, unattractive, fat, ugly. And all that stuff. But then again this is also my release. So yah its good for me too, to not keep my feelings in too much. I have a tendency of doing that, and that is not good... Im happy, but im sad too. Im neutral, but im angry too. So many conflicting feelings... One moment im really happy another moment im really irritable.

Is my period coming? ;w; Why am I so emotional these days

So today, was overwhelming. Very overwhelming. It was the B girls first match against Canberra. As far as I remembered, We'd never lost to canberra before. Except well, today. So I guess its pretty overwhelming in that sense. I think the whole thing came as a shock for me but I think theres alot to do but I think our only problem now is time. Its difficult to settle all this by next thursday, which is their next match.

I was really pissed off at the lack of support from the team members and the lack of defense to care for my poor goalies. But the bad thing is that i kinda vented it on a teacher, which is really bad and rude. Then again, how can she say something so demoralising RIGHT AFTER A MATCH WE LOST. So yah. My actions are not justified and i definitely need to rein my anger in. Its been a loooong time since Ive actually been this pissed but thats not an excuse aye. Cant believe i teared in the end but well, im really disappointed and i really hope the team can wake up their idea. They need to trust each other more thats for sure, and theres too much slashing. Need i mention those fucking refs too. Biased pieces of shit

I should reflect now yep i should okay bye

HEY GUYS

IT WAS MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL YESTERDAY AT TP AND I SWEAR IT WAS AWESOMEEEE. Before I elaborate more about yesterday, and about CNY, lemme just rant alittle HAHAHA.

Okay so I have the mood to sing todayyy and since mum was over at the neighbour's house, I thought.. Why not? I can give it a go right? Well kinda. I actually wanted to sing "Melancholic" by Rin Kagamine but realsied that the chorus was too quick for me to follow :( So I settled with "Pierrot" (Kei) version and woah what would you know? I thought I sung it pretty well after listening to a test trial! But of courseeee something have to happen right? haahahha ;A;  YES. My . Mum . Came .  Back. OMGGGG THAT AWKWARD AWKWARD MOMENT WHERE I JUST STOPPED SINGING COMPLETELY LOL AWKWARDDD CREY CREY I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING WELL TOO SOBBU SOBBU . Uploaded it to youtube anyway LOL. I must finish this cover!!

Okay! So uhm happy CNY people! Idk about you or does CNY get more boring by the year? :/ or maybe just this year Idk.Or maybe it's just me? I guess so. I think.. LOL. Didnt do much visiting as compared to the year before so not much angpao..

Next, I wanna talk about my first day of school yesterday! It was super fun! Of course I believe the rest of school wouldnt be that fun but uhm. Well, I can enjoy what they give us first. Looking at the schedule, I think I would have alot of revision to do after each lesson >.< Ah wells! It was really awkward when I first went into the lecture theatre because I do not know ANYONE at all. Well except for the group of ESSS people but uhm whats the point of mixing with them again when you know them. I obviously dont fit in there and its a rather good opportunity for me to make new friends! So why not? Might as well go for it right? I awkwardly striked up a conversation with my rowmates HAHAHA and uhm well, i made my first few poly friends! HOORAH. Basically the rest of the time we listened to a lecture and also, we were split into groups so I guess it's easier that way? Which is easier in a sense to make friends! HAHAHAHA. I cant exactly remember most of my teammates but I remember we have 3 rachels, batman, Melvin, April, G, hanyang , Jack and Xiaoqi. Our group leaders are really cute too! Especially during the MRT game HAHAHA well, its pretty obvious that they're really close to each other! I really had alot of fun :) Oh yes and tomorrow would be our forest adventures thingy which sounds extremely fun! Im really scared of the flying fox tho ;w; damnnn .
That should be all for today! I promise to go update my stories or write a one shot soon ;w; byeeeee

 End of self camwhores when i was bored

TPDPA2014 T05

Andddd my cover