Hey guys

So i got back my chinese O level results, it wasnt good at all. Very truly disappointed with myself.
Whats worse is that I written all those essays and all for nothing haiz. Best of all, my mom thinks that i didnt put in enough effort. So many people were disappointed in me, Im really sorry.

But then again what can I do? Everytime people will ask about my results, pretty much insensitive when I say its bad. Like wtf. but whatever, I gonna retake and do better I guess. It doesnt help Mother, if you keep rubbing fuckin salt into the wound and say that i didnt study. I truly did, for once. And look what happened.

You always see me slacking around, and when I do my work, you always never seem to be around. Why? Then you accuse me of not doing my work. When i type out my stories, you always shoot me down. Why? Isnt it good that I have practice for my english? Ughhh. Whatever lah. Just think of me as a failure.

I really am thankful to Vanessa and Kerry and Dhaniah who cheered me up when i was really down. I mean, why wouldnt I? After all those scoldings and dissapointed looks and fake smiles people give me. Like what, I know you very happy that you do better lah. Just leave me to wallow in my own pity okay?

And to those who are unsatisfied like me, lets just retake again bah. what can we do at this junction right? Come on, jiayou!

My thoughts are really running really quickly, my mind is jumbled. I feel so horrible. I just cant do this anymore with all this stupid pressure. I know, what a weakling I am right? But seriously, please stop putting high expectations on me because I will probably fail you.

Very depressing post today I know. But seriously i cant do this anymore. I want to give up but i cant. The life of a singaporean student is indeed very stressful, But what can we do?

This song really expresses all my thoughts I guess.

Room #13943

We have been imprisoned for no reason. 
Although we try to look composed, we're dripping with desire. 
We're the epitome of humans' unsightliness and defilement.

Lying to and tricking each other is merely one of the rules. 
This place has no need for pretty and nice things. 
You, who were my comrades yesterday, are my enemies today.

In the process of erasing my cruelly mutilated memories, 
you messily devour my brain and slowly become aberrant.

Although we could have trusted one another, 
we doubted and injured everyone in sight. 
The ticking time calls upon the devil yet again.

What could be your true goal as the lone survivor?

In the process of erasing my cruelly mutilated memories, 
you messily devour my brain and slowly become aberrant.

Although we could have trusted one another, 
we doubted and injured everyone in sight. 
The ticking time calls upon the devil yet again.

(AT THIS POINT, NOT EVEN GOODBYE...)

I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

Since doubt only generates more misery, 
we should have forgiven one another. 
What are you thinking about now? 
You're smiling.

DESPAIR

Tears turn meaningless, words into hate.
If we can't make ourselves understood, we might as well disappear.

Open our eyes and we see-
Reality.

We know that there is no such thing as hope...
I heard for sure the sound of your disappearing.

Memories lost, Consciousness in darkness...
If this feeling cannot be understood, we might as well throw it away!

Open your eyes and you see-
Reality!

There is not a single thing that is certain...
Everything is wavering right and left, and that's what now is made of...

Fading away or being alive, either way there is no meaning.
Everything is swaying to and forth, and that's what now is made of...

There is not a single thing that is certain...
We know that there is no such thing as hope...