Hey guys!

So today i got new gear!! YAAAAY
Its like.. HUGE so when i put it on i look BIG! its awesome xD and long sleeve sooo... I think i can fool people into believing that im a big sized, short fat keeper HAHAHA. Its like.., blue and blank, which is cool :D YAY

And today in physics ms sakinah damn cute eh! Her longos are always "Why? not happy ah" hahaha damn funny lah she.

Also, there was training today, which was fun haha. Coach made up do this new movement of which i named "spider" cause its wiggly. like wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle! Im not making sense LOL

Now to the depressing part, if you dont want to know, dont read on. Simple. YES IM DEPRESSED OKAY. I bet im Pmsing, but whatever

These days, after embarking on the journey of sec 4s, I find that I lost myself somewhere along the way, and I feel just like a shell of my existence.

Ever since My grandpa died, Ive never been so hyper like i was in sec 3. I guess alittle part of me died along with him?

Ever since im in sec 4 , I feel like im invisible to people somehow, I feel like a shadow, just like a ghost in a way. I began to feel left out, from my friends. I mean, they have their own group of friends, Im simply another person. and when this "other person" is not included in many things, eg group outings, dinners, study groups.. That other person slowly fades into the background, only to be noticed when people need her for something.

She will always feel like a third party, never knowing what is happening between the group, she is left out in the dark, alone, tired, with millions of questions raging through her mind.

She feels the knife of betrayal stabbing through her heart, yet she couldnt bring herself to remove it, to join in. She tried, oh she tried so hard, however, she just cant fit in.

When she tries to speak during these group's discussion, her voice, was ignored. They thought , she was tired, they thought, she was emo. However, she was just confused. All I see, is a lonely upset girl.

And in her class, she has friends. However, she drifted away, trying to find solitude, but she cant.

She has this friend, who comes to her, only to rant at her and use her as a punching bag. She used her, to vent her frustrations, so that she can be happy, to have a load off her shoulders. She used to be close to this friend though, however, they drifted apart. That friend found another group to be with. And that girl.. was left alone once again.. Only to be found when she needed a rant..

Now, this very same girl, has other friends, however, since she wants to protect herself from the very same reject, the very same separation that will eventually happen in time, she distances herself from others, oh very innocent others. Building a wall in between her and others, she, can never trust the same way ever again.

She was broken

That girl, is me.